I can’t remember the exact date, but I’m pretty sure this happened between 2010 & 2011 when my friend and I bought a 30-day pass in a prestigious gym in Manila. Hulaan niyo na lang which one, hehe. If I remember it correctly, the voucher was around 1500 PHP and you’ll have a full access to their facilities for a month, so not bad right? Besides, it’s hard to commit when you’re not even sure if you really want the service, etc.. etc.. but the truth is, we’re just not sure that we’ll like working out. Alam mo naman tayo, pretentious minsan or, shall I say, madalas. Ito yung kasagsagan or unang bugso ng wellness industry and almost every yuppie attends either a Zumba, pilates or yoga class at least once a week or twice a month.
So my story for you today happened on our second visit and let me put out an honest to goodness disclaimer that we have no idea what to do in the gym. Sure, we got our fitspiration celebs & photos (hello, Jennifer Lopez’ body & Carrie Underwood’s lovely legs!) but we don’t know anything about a basic workout or what you should/should not eat before & after a gym session.
The gym is inside a mall, so just like the first time, we’ve arrived before the mall opened. Ayaw kasi naming crowded, o di’ba choosy pa kami. We met at a coffee shop, had our HEAVY BREAKFAST (we’re talking about chocolate-covered doughnuts and cinnamon rolls here, mga besh! and siyempre, those fancy coffees) After all, we were taught that BREAKFAST IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY —- NOT!
Petiks mode pa kami ng lola niyo, then after we finished eating, we went to the gym & still totally clueless. But our goal for that day is to try all the workout machine available. Malay mo lang, masaktuhan namin yung tamang paggamit, di’ba! (I’m facepalming at the moment while typing this.)
Ayun na nga, so we tried the stationary bikes, then the treadmill (OF COURSE!) kasi ito lang naman talaga yung kilala naming machine. And people might react but the truth is, usually if you’re a newbie sa gym (unless runner ka) you only spend time on these three:
- stationary bike or
- Elliptical machine
And that’s okay, lalo if you’re a cardio person talaga. But then again, we don’t know those things nga remember, so parang our whole session, umiikot lang kami sa mga cardio machine. And because we don’t know what to do next, lumiligid-ligid lang kami and if we don’t find anything nice to try, we’ll call the day off and hit the showers. Then the zumba class started and you can hear the loud music coming from the studio, okay sana! kaso it’s a hip-hop dance class and you have to register (i think) So PASS kami!
Yung huling ikot namin before we finally go, we saw this parang room na may mga stationary bikes but they looked different from the bikes outside. Eh, since walang tao, wala namang sign na bawal gamitin, sabi namin, tara! Let’s try!!!
So ayun ako, pedal-pedal pa more! Feeling active and getting the worth of my money, maya-maya a group of people came and a man stood in front. He looks like the instructor (based on his great physique) Putek! may class pala!
That time, I’m not sure if they already call it Spin Class or Indoor Cycling pa lang but anyway, we’re “trapped!” The instructor positioned himself at the elevated bike in front and my friend and I looked at each other and we’re like, sige na nga! one last bago maligo. Actually, that time I was on one of the bikes already at the front row then my friend just came in because she was looking for me. My ever-masunurin na friend followed and hopped on one of the units at the back and the session started.
At first, okay pa e! Then, the instructor started saying something about resistance, so ako kebs! lingon-lingon lang but I didn’t do anything because I don’t know what that is! Yun pala, yun yung thingie na hinihigpitan for the difficulty as you pedal. The tighter the resistance, the harder it is to pedal. Then he started shouting! Nakakaloka!! He wanted all of us to pedal faster! Faster and faster and harder until our veins pop or worse, bumulagta ka sa lapag!
Nakakaloka!! He wanted all of us to pedal faster! Faster and faster and harder until our veins pop or worse, bumulagta ka sa lapag!
He was saying or rather shouting a lot of things; add the fiery set of eyes looking and his finger pointing at people, saying “PUSH HARDER!! MORE!! GIVE ME MORE!!” My head started spinning and I’m sweating so bad. I can almost feel my breakfast from earlier will come out anytime soon if I’ll stay pedaling. And as I was suppressing my feelings, I’m having this convo in my head:
“Jusko! Ano ba tong pinasok namin!!!! Hihimatayin nako! Ayoko na! Malapit na talaga!!” and I wanna shout back to the yelling instructor:
Maybe for other people, that kind of nasty, trash-talking, kind of motivation works but not for me. I don’t like people shouting in front of my face and telling me how a big wuss I am if I don’t pedal harder! But the rest of the people in that class were like “yes, coach!”
Then, naisip ko if ever mahimatay ako, that’ll be my first to lose cosciousness in public! At sa gym pa! So no! Cannot be!!
ME: Hold it, woman! Think. Think faster than you pedal and think NOW!!!
The next thing happened…
I can’t hold it any longer so I stopped pedalling and with my jelly legs, I stood up, gasping for oxygen and announced to my friend (at the back) that…
“I can hear my phone ringing and that’s gonna be my boss and I cannot NOT take the call!!”
My friend took the cue and she also stepped off from her bike and together, we picked up our things from the floor near the door and walked out, limping. Walang lingon-lingon! We left the class habang may ulirat pa kami. While walking, we laughed with our red faces and ang nasabi na lang namin was “T*ng*na! ano ba yung pinasok natin! Muntik na ko mahimatay! “
And that was the last time I stepped inside a gym na walang kaalam-alam. At some point, parang na-trauma rin ako that I don’t want to attend group classes anymore, especially if I don’t have any ideas what’s gonna happen. And finally, that was the last straw and I announced that I don’t like cardio! LOL!
If you ever watched Ari’s MTV of Side to Side, well she looked cute & sexy & so put-together but in reality, after a spin class ang itsura mo talaga para kang si Rocky Balboa nung mabugbog sa ring. Pero malay natin, baka naman may ganun ka-fresh diba?? hindi nga lang tayo yun. he he..
So ayan mga besh, lesson-learned! Every time I remember that day, I can’t help but laugh at myself and now I’m sharing it to everyone! If you want to workout, always do/know these:
- know the ideal pre-workout meal lalo pag magcacardio kayo
- Never skip the warm-up routine
- read the machine guide
- take a break
- Never skip the cooldown routine
At this point, I still have that love-hate relationship with cardio but I’m adjusting and learning to embrace it. Cardio exercises are very important and it’s best if you can find something that suits your style. Mine is a combination of dancing, Pilates/Yoga routine. They’re fun, intense and relaxing but no shouting.
And there you go! I hope you had fun reading this funny story! Until next time!